Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
