I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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