Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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