She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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