:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
