Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
