you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
