the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
