First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
