I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize