I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
