She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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