i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think my vagina is haunted
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
