Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
