Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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