I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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