I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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