That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
