He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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