I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Randomize
