told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
