Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
