Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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