im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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