you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
