i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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