just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize