There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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