they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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