After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
