just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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