Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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