in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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