Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pants are for mortals
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
