hell yes lets make some ravioli
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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