We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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