i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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