you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
