can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
