i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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