glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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