DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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