I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
