What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
