Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
