I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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