Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.