You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
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We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica