she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants