He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.