Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.