there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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