Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
