That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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