I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
