my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
