I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
