I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
