Im at strip club and am horny
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
