He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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