Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
