I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
