why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
