I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
