I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
