Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
