im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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