Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
