Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
