I'm so fucking centered right now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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