I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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