I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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